Wow! It has been over a year since I wrote Love, cohabitation and fighting fair here
on the blog. So much has changed and
yet, so little has changed.
2013 2015
I thought I would review my key points and see where I stand
on the subject now that we are officially living together. No more “escape
hatch” for when things blow up and you don’t want to look at each other’s face for
another second. We have one house, one home and if we are on the verge of
getting stabby then we just have to pick different corners of the house. Also, at this point when I get pissed and unfriend
Jim on Facebook he just logs into my account and refriends himself….CURSES!!!
Another thing that has come about this past year + is that
we don’t go out as often. Ok..like never. It isn’t that we don’t THINK about it…we
really do. We just don’t do the whole
bar thing anymore and it is much better for us that way and we are old. We tuck
ourselves in at night watching weird, random documentaries and it is lights out
by 10 pm.
My favorite manfriend quote “ I want to make out with you so
hard….but I am so tired”
We aren’t the same people that started dating close to 3
years ago. We are definitely not the same people that met 10+ years ago but I
wouldn’t have it any other way and I can not see myself growing up and changing
with anyone else but him.
Ok here we go…
1) You CAN work through things if you subtract everyone else from the equation
and focus on the only two people that matter in a relationship. Outside
interference whether it be a concerned friend, a meddling family member or a
trifling bitch. GET THEM OUT!!
This is still number one for us!! Yes we appreciate everyone’s
concern. We often ask for close friends and family’s opinions. But in the end
we have to do what is right for us and our family. I might call you and tell you that he is the
biggest asshole on the planet. Nay!! In the UNIVERSE!! But by this point my
homies know I’ll be calling them the next day cruising around with my honey
like nothing ever happened. We need people to vent to, people to nod and agree,
including when we do call back the next day and say that we are fine and
working through it. We promise not to do it too often.
2) Don't make promises you can't keep. Not wanting to hurt your loved ones
feelings tends to make it hard to be honest. Trust me, broken promises and
deception hurts your partner WAY worse than just saying "I don't
know" or "I will try. "
I guess I would just like to add to this. Don’t lie!! For
instance, if you tell your partner “we are fostering a dog” don’t bring home a
dog and 6 puppies. Trust me on this.
3) It is OK to say no. Again, feelings and not wanting to tread on them will
make you do crazy things. Ex: "Oh yes! I would Loooove to go hiking with
you" when in reality you can't stand the idea of being eating alive by
mosquitos, sweating your balls off and climbing up the side of a mountain. IT
IS OK TO SAY NO!!!
Still totally ok to say no but don’t do it ALL the time. If
he wants you to ride to Lowe’s with him after work and all you can think of is
sitting on the couch watching a romantic comedy and swimming into a bottle of
wine just think about how often you have said no already and then get your ass
up and ride to Lowe’s. It is also
perfectly acceptable to take something completely off the table. Example: “I
will NEVER go hiking again. Neeevvvveeerrrr. “ Got it buddy!! I won’t ask and
no feeling will be hurt. You have drawn that line in the sand.
4) It is also ok to do things apart from each other. In the new relationship,
when hormones and googly eyes are abundant, you want to do EVERYTHING together.
You can't imagine not doing everything together. The times you can't be
together you are sad and lonely and maybe even feel guilt. You are two
different people. Had two different upbringings. It is ok to do two different
things occasionally.
I still think this is ok but apparently it is a fine line
between I’m meeting my girlfriends for lunch (totally acceptable to manfriend)
and I’m going out on a huge boat for a week with my girlfriends. (totally NOT
acceptable)
5) Always include your special person. Even if you are doing two different
things, come home and tell them all about it! Sharing your life doesn't mean
losing yourself.
Refer to last statement.
When going on a huge boat for a week with girlfriends paying the extra
money for internet access is mandatory. Noted and never forgot now! You live
and you learn.
6) I always read about this in articles about "how to have a strong
relationship". I swear it is in EVERY SINGLE ONE. ....never go to bed
separately. And I always think that that is some BS. Rarely do manfriend and I
go to bed at the same time. I'm an 8-5er...he is a night shifter. Even if he
isn't working those hours much anymore that is what he is use to. And honestly,
I prefer to fall asleep alone and have him come to bed later. It works better
for us and as long as I get my tuck in and good night kisses or a loving sweet
dreams text on the nights he is working I am happy.
We still have different sleeping patterns but we always try
to lay down together for a little bit. There is no better part of my day then
when we lay down and hold hands while watching some random thing on
youtube. It is the way I want to end all
of my nights.
7) Fight fair!! I've learned there is no need to raise your voice during an
argument. Sure sometimes you might get heated but if you both stay calm and
think about what you say before you spill word vomit then the argument should
not escalate to something that can't be solved in a short amount of time.
It is easier said than done sometimes, but don't bring up past issues. IF
this happens more often than not then the past problems were never solved and
need to be discussed and resolved.
Ok..back when I wrote this I think I was trying to not yell
because manfriend didn’t like it. Over the past year I have realized that
manfriend can be a HUGE passive aggressive JERK FACE!! Instead of yelling he says things and does
things that make me want to claw his eyes out !! So yeah, I yell when we are
arguing. But hey! AT least he knows when I am mad. A lot of times I have to
take a wild guess and figure out what I did to piss him off. I like my way a
LOT better!!
8) When deciding to coexist in one location, pet peeves should be discussed
prior to moving. Sometimes this is IMPOSSIBLE because you don't know that
something drives you absolutely batshit crazy until it is being done. In this
case, discuss them as soon as possible.
He is still driving me batshit crazy. That is all.
9) Touch!! The human touch can do so much for the spirit. Hold hands. Run your
fingers through their hair. Give little kisses on your way past each other. Do
this often and every single day!!
Yes yes yes!! A million times yes!! I can feel myself on the verge of getting
frustrated or annoyed and then remember this. It is amazing how a hug from a
manfriend or your offspring can make you feel like it will all be ok.
10) We have said two things from the start of our relationship and I think it
has helped us tremendously. Baby steps and One day at a time. When you are so
obsessed with the future or the past there is no way to live in the NOW.
Forever, one day at a time.
